Hark! A Dark Ark Bark!

Midnight Quatermass 34: Pumpkins, movies, wet dogs and something biblical to finish.

Frustrating week overall. It happens.

One thing stalled, another thing I really like I had to pass on, and I lost a day that I’m still trying to catch up on. Two days now really because today also fell apart halfway through on me.

Tomorrow is a hard reset on a number of things starting with a rebuild of my desk set up. I’m loving the new Mac Mini, but I’m also missing all the stuff that I’ve gotten accustomed to after using an iPad Pro exclusively for so long. A lot of Mac OS now seems completely fucked in comparison to be honest and I miss not being tethered to one spot. Gonna rethink how I work and juggle my time a little more between devices.

Lack of actual work getting done means time to think about stuff I want to do next. I think I’ve found a decent follow-up to PANIC so that pitch will be the next thing I kick into shape. Walking the dog has tuned into a great time to work out story kinks in between being stopped by complete strangers who want to roll on the ground with Cooper.

He’s pretty much off-leash now and (mostly) comes back when called. Another week or so and I think we’ll have cracked it. This is the face of a dog not expecting to get dragged out in the rain at 6.30am.

I lost a day because of a calendar screw-up and I sent the whole of Tuesday with Jaime’s class in the London Transport Museum. Not something I begrudge at all as usually Jess and I take turns hanging out on school trips and they’re a lot of fun. Connor and Jaime both attend what is often listed as one of the very best schools in London, but I still get a little anxious when they’re out and about so its nice to be able to stand around pretending to be Kevin Costner keeping an eye on Whitney Houston.

THE BODYGUARD (1992) is unfuckable with by the way and I’ll fight you about it. Farmer going through that cabin window and landing in the snow is as awesome a shot as I’ve ever seen. But I digress.

I’m a little over the Transport Museum if I’m honest although the kids never get tired of it. This trip was fun because the kids got access to some of the vehicles the general public aren’t allowed on and that really tickled the ex-Londonist editor in me. The guides who work with the kids are really good too and Jaime had a blast sat in a restored double decker horse-drawn tram from 1882 that was formally a chicken coop.

Taking 60 five-year-olds on modern public transport to get there and back though is definitely an acquired taste.

The fallout form this is that we had to leave Cooper at home alone for the first time for an extended period. Just a few hours, but we were all quite nervous as to how he’d cope. Separation anxiety in this breed is certainly a thing and we thought he’d tear the place up and bark the roof off. As it happens he took it in his stride.

I set up a camera with a speaker and mic so I could keep an eye on him remotely and speak to him if need be. All he did was eat, sleep and sit on the couch watching MAD MAX movies.

I’ll make a writer out of him yet.

Another high spot is that Jess scored tickets to go see Helloween on their 40th anniversary tour next year. It’s well over ten years since I last saw them live and 36 (gulp) years since I first saw them, opening Monsters of Rock at Donnington in 1988. Their music was a short hop over from Iron Maiden, but I’ve always had an affection for German metal and there’s something about the pronunciation and delivery of Germanic bands singng in English that always warms the cockles. The kıds are slowly inheriting my love of The Scorpions whether they like it or not.

The show is almost a year away though so plenty of time to continue to hammer their back catalogue - the Apple Music interface on Mac OS sucks enormous bags of cocks by the way - and revel in the fact that I’ll get to see them on stage with all three of their past and present vocalists. I still think of Andi Deris as ‘the new guy’ as he’s only been the frontman for thirty years now, but the new arrangements so he can sing with Michael Kiske are phenomenal.

I didn’t see a single new thing (that I enjoyed enough to talk about) this week, but I did revisit a couple of movies. One of them was the, still odd, ISLAND OF TERROR (1966) in which Peter Cushing and Edward Judd investigate mysterious boneless bodies on a remote Irish island and up fighting monsters. I didn’t remember much about this one and while it has its moments and a fun premise its mostly forgettable when compared to much better Peter Cushing investigates strange deaths on a remote island and ends up fighting monsters movies such as NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT (1967).

I also rewatched the sublime NEW WORLD (2013) by Park Hoon-jung, a Korean crime movie that often gets compared to INFERNAL AFFAIRS (2002). It’s a different animal, but just as good with three heavy-hitters at the top of their game; Lee Jung-jae (Squid Game), Choi Min-sik (OLD BOY) and Hwang Jung-min playing cops and gangsters to fill a power vacuum at the top of an illegal organisation. If you haven’t seen it please make sure to avoid the spoilerific trailers.

I’m guessing Jung-min is the least recognisable of the trio outside of Asia, but he’s a powerhouse of an actor who can seemingly turn his hand to any role. I’m also in the middle of watching VETERAN (2015) again (a sequel just dropped) in which he plays the lead, a determined cop struggling against the status quo to bring down a piece-of-shit executive from a ruling class company. Underdog movies do very well in South Korea and this is a real gem with some of my favourite action scenes that seamlessly blend knife fights and humour.

A few people have asked me to recommend some South Korean shows and movies so I’ll do just that right here in a future MQ. I’ll try and mix in a few non obvious ones next to the hammer fights and zombies.

Speaking of…

Dave continues to knock our next book out of the park. Here’s a sneak peak at two worst-for-wear types getting to grips with their new home:

Still can’t drop the name of this one - and it’s a great fucking title - but we’re getting a littler closer.

And midnight sailed right past me again. So…

Storytime

ALL AT SEA

Day 41

Noah stepped back inside. He was soaked to the skin. His family looked up at him expectantly.

“It’s still fucking raining,” he said.

Day 50

“I’m not eating the fucking dogs,” said Noah.

Shem looked to his mother for support.

“Can you talk some sense in to him? We’ll need the farming stock for when we find dry land- -”

“Ha!” said Shem’s wife topping up her glass of wine.

They ignored her.

Ham scratched his beard, forever the peacemaker.

“I think what my brother is trying to say is that we only brought enough supplies for the initial flood. Food and bedding for the animals took up more room than the beasts themselves and that’s running low too. We were only supposed to be out here for forty days and forty…”

Noah slammed his hand on the table. Hard.

“Im not eating the fucking dogs,” he said.

“But…” he continued, “…what are those bastards called with the long necks?”

Day 55

The giraffe meat lasted them a while. One for the family and one to top up the food for the carnivores who were getting… a tad restless.

It was still raining.

DAY 62

“All I’m saying,” said Japheth, “is that he could at least try and call Him.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” said his mother.

“Maybe He just forgot…” said Ham.

“Sure!” laughed Shem’s wife. “Things to do! One. Wipe humanity from the face of the Earth. Two. Stop the… erm… what was it I was supposed to do again? Something about the weather…”

“Don’t blaspheme,” warned her mother-in-law.

As if to underline the threat there was a huge CRASH from below decks.

“Uh oh,” said Japheth’s wife. “That doesn’t sound good.”

DAY 63

Shem sits down at the table covered in blood.

Noah concentrates on cutting the last of the bread. It’s a little green.

“Tell me.”

“The bad news is that we lost the panda bears, the gazelles, all the cattle and horses, every breed of monkey and all four score of rabbits,” he said.

“And the good news?” asked his wife.

“The predators are doing very well.” he said reaching for the wine.

DAY 75

“I’m not doing too well,” said Ham’s wife.

“None of us are,” agreed Shem’s wife.

“We can’t talk about this in front of the men,” confided Japheth’s wife.

“I’m not sure what you expect me to do,” said Noah’s wife taking the cats out of the oven.

“I woke up this morning and I couldn’t remember my name,” said Ham’s wife. “Can any of you remember my name?”

They all looked at her blankly.

“Can any of you even remember your own names?” she asked, sobbing.

Eyes wet they said nothing. And then Noah’s wife broke the silence.

“Those armadillos aren’t going to shell themselves,” she said.

DAY 83

“I’m still not eating the fucking dogs,” said Noah.

“That’s not what I’m suggesting said Shem. “The dogs will come in handy. They can hunt for food when we find dry land- -”

“Ha!” said Shem’s wife popping the top off a hamster.

“Then what are you suggesting?” asked Ham.

“All I’m saying is that Japheth and his wife haven’t been pulling their weight recently…”

“Hmm,” said Noah thoughtfully as he sharpened his cleaver.

DAY 101

“It’s so quiet now it’s just us,” said Noah’s wife.

“I’m sorry this didn’t turn out like I thought,” said Noah putting his arm around her.

She leaned her head on his shoulder.

“At least it’s stopped raining.”

DAY 140

Roy opened his eyes as the deck shook under his head.

That’s new he thought.

He stood up and almost lost his footing as the ark suddenly stopped with the sound of cracking and straining timber.

Bloody hell, thought Rita.

They looked at each other. Perplexed.

Roy walked over and she put her head on his shoulder.

They walked down to the lower deck and found it had cracked and opened onto a sandy shore.

Beyond the dunes they could see trees. Birds were flying above them.

Holy fuck, thought Roy.

Rita was worried. As if reading her thoughts he looked at her swollen belly.

We’re gonna need food for the kids, thought Roy.

With a reassuring nod to Rita he went back inside to find Noah.

There wasn’t much left.

Still some meat on the ribcage though. It’d do until they found shelter for the night. Tomorrow he’d set off early and see what he could find hiding in those trees.

It’s going to be alright, thought Roy as he clamped his jaws into Noah’s face and dragged the body through the empty ark and down on to the beach.

Rita was running through the surf.

She wagged her tail when she saw Roy.

He barked at her and left the meat on the sand running to join her with a huge grin.

The sun rose high into the sky and beyond it God scratched Her head trying to remember something She’d forgotten.

Couldn’t have been that important, She thought, and went back to plucking the angel.

The righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever

Psalm 37:29

All a bit short this week. Tad longer next time I think.

Until then stay safe!

Mike